Schizophrenia
by jade
Summary: AU. One-shot. After her faith in the way the world work had been shattered and hope of something better was lost, Kikyo moved in with her friend, not knowing what the other roommate in the apartment would bring to her life.


Yeah, I know, another one-shot. What caused this? I have no idea. But the song I've put on repeat to listen to the whole time I write this is 'Turn off the Lights' by Nelly Furtado. So, yeah…I blame the song. It got stuck in my head. And it reminded me of this story. And finally I was like, "Screw it, I'm writing it!" So yeah, here goes!

It's an AU!

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. Or anything else mentioned.

Warnings: Um…mental illness. Sex. Cussing. Really dark.

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Schizophrenia

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Hauling her suitcase up to her new apartment, Kikyo stopped on the stairs to brush her bangs out of her eyes. Kagura said she'd keep an eye out for her but of course she had probably forgotten to. Kikyo told her she couldn't haul her stuff by herself. Not up four flights of stairs.

Telling herself to stop being weak, she continued her trek upwards. When she had finally huffed and puffed her way to the fourth floor and found the door number she was looking for, she knocked.

"Just a seeeeeec!" Kagura sing-songed from the other side. She opened the door. "Hey sexy."

"More like sweaty." Kikyo hefted her large suitcase. "Where should I put it? That is assuming I'm not living in the hall."

"In here, in here." Kagura took the suitcase from her and Kikyo walked in after her, seeing Kouga zipping up his pants. The pale girl rolled her eyes. Figures.

Kagura, her oldest friend in the known universe, was anti-relationship. Her mother and father had a horrible marriage and then divorced when Kagura was ten. Kagura was _convinced_ that all marriages really worked out that way. She didn't believe in commitment at all and so had nothing but casual sex partners.

The sexy young woman had blood red eyes and dark hair that she usually kept up in a ponytail. She was wearing a tight shirt that showed off her belly button and jeans that hugged her hips. That was usual around the house wear for Kagura. When she went out, that's when the 'outfits' were pulled out.

Thus Kouga being at the apartment. Kagura obviously hadn't been keeping an eye out for her because no doubt Kouga had come over, probably sitting there hoping that Kagura would turn from anti-relationship to Ms. Fiancée. It was well known in their group of friends that Kouga wanted Kagura to be in a monogamous relationship. But no dice.

"Hey Kikyo." Kouga wasn't thrilled to see her and Kikyo had different theories as to why. Sure she had interrupted valuable 'screwing Kagura' time but it was also well known that Kagura and Kikyo had a physical relationship as well. Of course Kikyo was also her closest friend so she was sure that made Kouga insanely jealous.

"Hello Kouga." Kikyo didn't see any reason to not be polite towards him. She had no ill will towards him. "Getting your kicks?"

"On route 66!" Kagura set the suitcase down and hugged Kikyo. "I'm so excited that you're going to live with me!"

"I got kicked out of my last apartment because of Inuyasha." Kikyo reminded her.

"Psh, that was so ridiculous." Kagura rolled her eyes. "I mean Inuyasha just had too much vodka."

"If you hadn't invited Naraku…" Kikyo trailed off because she knew they'd end up having the same discussion for the thousandth time.

"I _didn't _invite him. He just came." Kagura couldn't back down from a confrontation if her life depended on it so of course had to rush to her own defense. "And I didn't know he was going to let Inuyasha play with matches like that."

"Is that when Inuyasha almost burnt your building down?" Kouga asked, obviously glad to be on a subject that would probably bring about some friction between the two girls.

"Kagome to the rescue." Kikyo joked. It wasn't that funny though. Inuyasha almost _had_ burnt down her apartment building. Kagome had wandered out of the building to see where Inuyasha and Naraku had gone and managed to stop it. Kagome was better at handling Inuyasha. Kikyo frowned at that thought. Even though it had been two years, she couldn't help the small flicker of jealousy when she thought of the two of them together. Her twin sister and the first boy she ever fell in love with. No matter how many times she said it was better this way, it was still hard to bear. "Come on, where's the room?"

"I thought this place only had two rooms." Kouga looked confused.

"It _does_." Kagura answered pointedly.

"Don't worry." Kikyo decided to reassure the blue-eyed boy. "I'll probably be sleeping on the couch a lot knowing Kagura."

"I'm sure I could make room for you." Kagura still had her arms around Kikyo rather possessively. "I bet Kouga wouldn't mind."

"That's okay, I think I'll live." Kikyo nipped that idea in the bud. Kagura was very sexually active and got up to things…well, it was Kagura's sex life, she could do whatever she wanted to. Kikyo just wasn't into the idea of having sex with any more than one person at a time.

"Come on, come on, I'll show you the room." Kagura tugged her to one door on the left side of the living room. She pulled it open. Kagura's room was messy, as expected. Clothes on the floor, magazines scattered on the bed and the dresser. The bed didn't look like it had been made recently. Kagura opened the closet to reveal an empty side she had cleared out for Kikyo.

"I know you don't have that many clothes." Kagura commented as she set the suitcase on the bed. "But you can borrow my stuff whenever you want."

"Thanks." Kikyo smiled. "So where's the roommate?"

Kagura had found a place two weeks previously where the rent was really cheap. It wasn't in the nicest neighborhood in town but it was right across the street from the diner that Kikyo worked out, which worked out nicely for Kikyo now that she needed a new place. There was a roommate who hadn't protested to another person moving in but Kikyo had yet to meet the mysterious roommate.

"Oh…I _think_…" Kagura seemed to be trying to remember. Suddenly the sounds of two people having sex drifted into the room and Kikyo's eyes widened a little. "Oh yeah, he's here. But he's busy. You'll like him, he's really nice." Kikyo noticed that Kagura diverted her eyes when she said that as she always had a habit of doing when she was lying.

"What's wrong with him?" Kikyo asked immediately.

"Nothing, nothing." Kagura had the panicky voice of someone who had been caught in a lie and didn't know how to tell the truth. "Most of the time."

"That's _really _reassuring Kagura." Kikyo told her sarcastically. "Let's go get my stuff."

"Right, I'll get Kouga to help. I mean, what's the point of a boy being around if he doesn't help carry heavy things around?" Kagura walked out of the room and Kikyo went out after her, taking in the whole apartment. The living room, the kitchen. The door that was half open that led to the bathroom and the other bedroom door where the noise was still coming through.

Kouga was eating the last of a chocolate cake with a fork and leaning against the corner. Kikyo smothered a snicker when she saw the frosting on his face.

"Kouga, darling." Kagura batted her eyes, sashaying up to him. "Can you help us with Kikyo's stuff?"

"I don't—" Kouga was cut off as Kagura, tilted her head up, inches from his face. One of her hands reached up and a finger wiped off the frosting from his face with a small flick. She put the finger in her mouth in a slow way and turned it, pulling it out with a small popping noise. Kouga seemed somewhat entranced, as though Kagura had just hypnotized him. "Yeah…stuff…"

"Thank you so much." Kagura turned from him and swayed her hips as she walked away. With his eyes planted on her ass, Kouga followed her.

It was Kagura's tried and true method of 'Use Sex to Get Stuff'. Having Kagura as a friend ensured that they never had to wait in line when Kagura dragged her off to a night club or ever paying for drinks. Kikyo went after them and in a few trips they had brought up everything Kikyo owned.

"Hey, look at this stuff!" Kagura opened up one of the boxes. "I didn't know you still had this photo album!" She pulled out an old album that was from four years ago.

"Kagura…" Kikyo didn't want the red-eyed girl to look through it but it didn't stop the girl at all as she began to leaf through it.

"Oh wow, look at these pictures! Look at me." Kagura looked at an old picture of her where she was flipping off the camera with a grin. "Heh, good shot I guess."

She flipped a few pictures and made exclamations at different pictures. Finally Kikyo gave up and knelt down next to her best friend while she did this. "Omigod, do you remember when we told Sango we were setting her up on a blind date and it was really a trick so she'd go out with Miroku once?"

"Yes I do." Kikyo remembered how the furious maroon-eyed girl had immediately called them the first chance she got and told them they were all dead. That 'blind date' had been the beginning of a relationship that still hadn't really broken up. Every couple of months, Sango declared she was never going anywhere with him again but Miroku always won her over.

"Hey, it's a picture of you and Inuyasha." Kagura pointed out another one. There she was. Inuyasha had an arm around her and was laughing at something the camera person had said.

_I remember that picture…_

_ "Come on you two, hold still for the camera!" Kagome stomped her foot in frustration as she held the camera to her face. "Don't you want to have some cute pictures of the two of you around?"_

_ "I hate cameras." Kikyo complained quietly. _

_ "Good, now stare your enemy in the face." Kagome quipped and Inuyasha laughed, which caused Kikyo to smile a little and the photo was snapped. _

"This is an old photo album." Kikyo grabbed the album out of Kagura's hands and closed it. "I should probably throw it out; all it does is take up space."

"Hey Kikyo." Kagura tugged on her arm. Kagura knew that Kikyo didn't like thinking about the time Inuyasha had broken her heart, leaving her for her sister. "Don't throw it out. Okay?"

"I won't." Kikyo knew she wouldn't. She had tried several times but she couldn't just throw away all those memories. Photo after photo of her friends and Kagura with various boys and girls. Inuyasha used to make jokes that they should tally all of the pictures to see how many people Kagura had had sex with.

Inuyasha and her were still friends but Inuyasha knew that he had done a really shitty thing and so he was always trying to make up for it, no matter how many times Kikyo told him he didn't need to.

_"Stop feeling guilty about it. Do you want it to hang over your relationship forever?"_

Kagome and her had made amends. Kikyo had not spoken to her for two weeks after the ordeal but after Kagome refused to be in a relationship with Inuyasha until Kikyo said it was okay, Kikyo couldn't wish that guilt on anyone.

"We can add all your books to the bookshelf." Kagura pointed to the small bookshelf that was half filled up with books already. "There should be enough room."

"Alright." Kikyo saw books that were immediately recognizable as Kagura's right away. Several books on sex, Poppy Z. Brite novels, and strangely _The Mists of Avalon_. It wasn't that strange to anyone who knew Kagura really well. She loved mythology. Then a bunch of books that _weren't _Kagura's. Books on medicine and health. Kagura didn't give a damn about her health at all.

_"Low carb ice-cream is for wussies." Kagura had announced as she watched a commercial once. "Like I'm going to give up real milk for some half ass shit just because some guy made some stupid diet trend." _

Well, Kagura did care about her health a little now that Kikyo thought about it. After all, she was on birth control and she used condoms all the time. Even with Kouga who had told Kagura that he wasn't having sex with anyone else. Kagura had pretended that she didn't know what he meant by that.

Kikyo's books went up, Wilde, Shakespeare, Poe. Her guilty pleasure books, the Thursday Next novels.

"Do you own every Nero Wolfe novel ever?" Kagura asked as she put another book on the shelves. "_Prisoner's Base_, _Over My Dead Body_, _Death of a Dude_, _The Mother Hunt_, _The Father Hunt_…crimony."

"No, I don't believe I do." Kikyo answered, glaring a little.

"Yeah I—" Kagura cut herself off and Kikyo turned to see what she was looking at. A girl had come from the room, looking a bit ruffled, her hair sticking to her forehead with sweat. She went out the door and Kagura waited for a few moments. "Well, they're done."

"Is that his girlfriend?" Kikyo inquired.

"Oh no, he doesn't have a girlfriend." Kagura shook her head. Kikyo wondered if her new roommate shared Kagura's principles of relationships. "Anyways, I'm glad you showed up when you did today. I think Kouga…I think he was going to say the no-no words."

The dreaded 'no-no words'. Kikyo, who was fluent in Kagura (Inuyasha called Kikyo the 'Kagura-to-English Dictionary'.) knew that translated to the three words that Kagura feared most.

"What makes you say that?" Kikyo was vaguely interested. She thought Kouga had finally resigned to his post as just another one of Kagura's casual sex buddies.

"You had to be there." Kagura's brow furrowed in thought. "He was just…weird. And serious."

"Well if he said it while his pants were down, I'm not sure that counts." Kikyo said optimistically.

"That's what I was thinking." Kagura shrugged airily. "You're right, I'm probably thinking about it too much. Are we almost done?"

"No." Kikyo looked at the two other boxes and remembered the suitcase she had to unpack. "But if you don't want to help, you don't have to."

"No, I do. But now that we have all the books on the shelf, I call break time!" Kagura got up and scurried over the couch. "Let's watch some TV."

"I'm sure the roommate is going to love this." Kikyo got up and sat on the couch anyways.

"He won't care." Kagura didn't seem concerned. "Well…he might. Depends."

"Depends on what?" Kikyo questioned.

"Nothing, never mind." Kagura couldn't seem to find anything and so settled on an infomercial about some make-up kit. They watched infomercials quite often when nothing was on. Kikyo thought it was because if they were going to stare at a box brainlessly, they might as well watch something brainless.

"Kagura, is there something wrong with our roommate?" Kikyo looked at her friend quite seriously, wondering why she always had to do the direct approach when it came to Kagura.

"No, not really." Kagura didn't take her eyes off the screen. "Don't worry about it. He's just a little weird. No big deal."

"Sure." Kikyo knew that Kagura never thought anybody was bad until they had proven it. Like Naraku who had followed Kagura around for a little while, apparently in an attempt to get into _Kikyo's _pants. He kept hanging around as though eventually Kikyo's standards would lessen and she'd let someone like that near her voluntarily.

Kikyo heard a door open behind her but didn't bother to turn around to see it, mostly because Kagura decided she'd lean over and bite her ear at that moment. It wasn't a hard bite, just a playful sort of nip.

"Kagura!" Kikyo tried to sound annoyed even though it had excited her some what.

"What?" Kagura tried to look innocent as she moved away a little. "You were looking yummy there for a second."

"Uh huh." Kikyo heard another door close and figured their roommate had gone into the bathroom. "Breaks over, we need to finish unpacking."

"We could take a few more moments." Kagura grinned suggestively at her.

"_No_." Kikyo was trying to be stern. "Unpacking first."

"Sheesh." Kagura folded her arms and turned the commercial off. The two of them went about unpacking, it didn't take too long and Kikyo was putting her stuff everywhere. Except her bathroom stuff because their roommate was taking a shower.

While she was hanging her clothes, she heard Kagura greet someone and someone gave her a friendly greeting back but before she could stick her head out the door, the roommate had already gone back into his room.

Kikyo was finally nearly done and Kagura came in with the cordless phone.

"Chinese takeout! What do you say?" Kagura asked as she flopped down cross-legged on her bed. "I know this good place."

"Chinese sounds good." Kikyo agreed, putting the last shirt on a hanger. It was around eight o'clock now.

"Peachy, I'll ask Suikotsu if he wants some too." Kagura finally gave a name to the mysteriously unseen person. She went to her door and leaned out of it, one hand on the door frame. "Suikotsu!" She sing-songed.

"Coming." A male voice called out pleasantly and Kikyo was just going out into the living room to do something with the empty cardboard boxes. Suikotsu, the roommate came out. He had wide, innocent brown eyes and brown hair that fell around halfway down his face. "Oh, you must be Kikyo. I'm sorry I didn't help you with your things, you must think I'm a terrible person." Suikotsu immediately apologized as he approached her.

"Kagura and I managed just fine." Kikyo decided the boy was harmless and so reassured him. "You must be Suikotsu?"

"Yes." Suikotsu held out a hand to shake and Kikyo shook it. "I'm very pleased to meet you. I'm glad you decided to move in with us."

Kagura looked from the innocent young man to her pale friend and a grin spread across her face. To her old friends, it was known as her 'matchmaker' face.

"We just wanted to know if you wanted to order Chinese takeout." Kagura sidled up next to Kikyo. "Kikyo's had a long day after all."

"Oh sure. I'll order." Kagura handed Suikotsu the phone and began to put her hands in her pockets, making a show of looking for her wallet. "Oh, Kagura, don't worry, I'll pay for it."

"Gee, thanks Suikotsu." Kagura winked at him.

"I'll pay too." Kikyo protested and Kagura jabbed her secretly in the side.

"You're new; I couldn't possibly expect you to pay." Suikotsu dialed the number. Kikyo opened her mouth to object but Suikotsu beat her to it. "Please, consider it a repayment for not helping you earlier."

"We know you were busy, we could hear you." Kagura rolled her eyes. Suikotsu's eyes widened significantly.

"There wasn't…?" He pinned the phone between his ear and his shoulder. He began to rub his hands together. "I mean…" He looked at Kikyo and then at Kagura in worry.

"Don't sweat it." Kagura went over and hit him on the back. "No one was hurt or anything."

"What?" Kikyo blinked in confusion. Suikotsu was ordering though and so her question wasn't answered. What was going on? What was the big mystery that Kagura wasn't telling her about her roommate?

They food eventually arrived and they all sat down on the couch with it spread out on the coffee table in front of them. Kagura had snagged the box of sweet and sour shrimp and Kikyo had to use ninja tactics to snag a few pieces.

"You pick what we watch." Kagura handed the remote to Kikyo.

"Okay." Kikyo began to flip through the channels. She stopped for a moment on a movie channel. "It's one of those ridiculous slasher movies." Kikyo and Kagura loved to watch bad horror movies together and make fun of them.

"I don't like those." Suikotsu was hiding his face from the screen behind a box of rice. "Could you please change it?"

"Oh yeah, Suikotsu doesn't like blood." Kagura took the remote from Kikyo and changed it.

"Doesn't like blood?" Kikyo raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, can't be around it." Kagura went on. "He used to be a doctor, didn't you Suikotsu?"

"Used to." Suikotsu agreed weakly, lowering the carton of food. "I had to quit though…it just became too much."

"Well I imagine anyone who's hemophobic probably wouldn't last long in the medical field." Kikyo took a bit out of piece of sweet and sour chicken.

"Yes, well…" Suikotsu looked very uncomfortable with this line of questioning. "I work in an orphanage now. Where do you work, Kikyo?"

"The diner across the street. I'm a waitress." Kikyo told him.

"She used to be a psychiatrist." Kagura explained. "But then that fell through when…" Kagura stopped immediately when she realized she had almost mentioned the period of Kikyo's life that she wasn't allowed to talk about. "Yeah, it fell through."

"A psychiatrist?" Suikotsu seemed curious about this. "That's interesting."

"It's not nearly as exciting as you think." Kikyo stretched her legs out. "Half the people just wanted someone to listen to them talk for an hour."

"Oh." Suikotsu looked down at his carton of food. "And…and you work at a clothing store, right Kagura?"

"Best fucking clothing store in five states." Kagura nodded enthusiastically. "Kikyo, you should come down and let me dress you up. There's this pair of boots that would look awesome on you…" Kagura worked at an alternative clothing store that sold items that ranged from punk rock t-shirts to fetish shoes.

"I'll pass on that one." Kikyo used the opening to snag another piece of shrimp from Kagura. "Last time you wanted to sell me those ridiculously high shoes."

"They looked so hot on you though." Kagura gave Kikyo a dirty look for stealing her shrimp. "Seven inches isn't that high."

"Right." Kikyo rolled her eyes. "I'll pass on the broken neck, thanks."

"You don't have to worry about Kikyo bringing anyone home or anything." Kagura changed the subject, speaking directly to Suikotsu. "She isn't seeing anyone or anything."

"Oh, well, don't feel like you can't um…" Suikotsu blushed. "Bring a friend home if you want." Kikyo noted that for someone who had really loud sex, Suikotsu seemed rather bashful talking about it.

In fact, after hearing that whole thing while trying to unpack, Kikyo had pictured Suikotsu differently. He seemed so…well, naïve and nice. He looked like he didn't even know what sex _was_.

"Kikyo's completely single." Kagura went on and Kikyo raised an eyebrow at her. Kagura was up to something. She was playing matchmaker. Great.

"Thank you Kagura." Kikyo decided to cut the conversation short. Kagura pouted a little because she knew Kikyo had caught on.

The red-eyed girl looked at the two and then wondered if it _was_ such a good idea to try and fix the two up. After all…

_Kikyo doesn't know about the other Suikotsu…_

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Life had turned into a nice routine for Kikyo. Got up, took a shower, went to work, and came home. Sometimes Kagura came home, sometimes she didn't. Sometimes Kouga was there and would sit on the couch, waiting for Kagura to come home. Kikyo usually ignored him as he ignored her.

Suikotsu would pop in and out. He was always really nice and usually they were up at the same time for work so Kikyo would talk to him over a cup of coffee. Suikotsu had a few cousins that apparently came to visit every so often so she shouldn't be surprised when they showed up. Suikotsu was a vegetarian; Suikotsu always drank his coffee with lots of cream and sugar. Kikyo learned little facts about him.

Kagura would come into the diner during her lunch break even though it was 'two whole freaking blocks' away from her place of work. She'd come in wearing clothes the store had her wear to help sell stuff so depending on what day it was, Kagura might be wearing a full fetish Catholic school girl outfit or something equally eye-catching. Kikyo certainly noticed the influx of drooling men when Kagura came for lunch.

Today, Kikyo was over seeing a new waitress who wasn't particularly bright. So far, the orange pigtailed girl had managed to drop three trays. According to another waitress, she was suffering from 'D.O.D. Syndrome.' ('Dear Old Dad Syndrome', meaning her dad was the owner and gave her a job there.)

"Oops." Ayame, the new waitress, winced as she dropped a plate.

"It's okay, just get the broom." Kikyo wondered why she had to be the baby-sitter today. The door opened and she went over to seat the people waiting, barely looking at them. "How many?"

"One." The male voice made her look up. It was Suikotsu. "Hello Kikyo."

"Hi." Kikyo heard another crashing sound, announcing something else had broke and she sighed heavily.

"Busy day?" Suikotsu smiled sympathetically.

"You have no idea." Kikyo shook her head. "Right this way." She led him to a table by the window and then she gave him a menu. "I'll be right back." She turned to go see what Ayame had broken this time. Apparently nothing, she just tripped over a chair and sent it and herself crashing to the floor.

"Sorry Kikyo." Ayame apologized.

"It's okay." Kikyo felt like that might become her mantra towards Ayame.

"Kikyo, why don't you take your lunch break?" One of the waitresses came over to help Ayame. "I'm sure I can look after Ayame here for a little while."

"Thanks Koharu." Kikyo felt very grateful to the young woman and she went to sit with the brown-haired young man, grabbing a menu as she went. He blinked in surprise when she sat down next to him.

"Is it your lunch break?" Suikotsu asked eagerly. "I thought maybe your break was soon and I wanted to keep you company."

"Yeah." Kikyo opened her menu. "How are the kids?"

"Great." Suikotsu's eyes sparkled the way they did every time the orphanage and its children got brought up. "Tomorrow we're going on a field trip to the art museum."

"That sounds nice." Kikyo looked up at him over her menu.

"Can I take your drink orders?" Ayame looked a little disheveled but was trying her best to do her job. At least she had spirit.

"I'll have an ice tea." Kikyo told her.

"I'll have the same." Suikotsu gave Kikyo a small smile. Kikyo thought it was kind of nice, just the two of them sharing a meal together. There was something calming about Suikotsu's presence.

_Maybe it's just how refreshing to know somebody who isn't going to put a knife in your back the second you turn around._

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"All I'm saying is that you don't have to come to my place of employment." Kagura gave a sideways annoyed towards Kouga who was walking next to her.

"Jesus, Kagura, I just wanted to see you." Kouga looked frustrated as hell.

"Sex, I know." Kagura fumbled around in her purse. "But it'll have to wait, I'm hungry."

"I'm not here for sex." Kouga was obviously getting angry. "Goddammit Kagura—"

"I'm not having an argument with you right now." Kagura told him sternly. "Don't try to start one like we're involved or some shit." Before Kouga could say anything Kagura stopped him, throwing an arm across his chest and stopping short.

"What?" Kouga looked around.

"Look!" Kagura pointed at a window. It was the diner that Kikyo worked out and Kikyo was right there in the window, right across from Suikotsu, whom Kouga had met a few times. "You don't think…"

"I don't know and I don't care." Kouga really didn't. "So she's talking to him?"

"Yeah, well I thought it would be cool to fix them up. They've got a lot in common." Kagura seemed to be thinking hard about this. "But you know…Kikyo doesn't know about…"

"You didn't tell Kikyo that your roommate is a schizo?" Kouga gaped at Kagura.

"Well he's not that bad!" Kagura frowned at Kouga. "If he was, I wouldn't have let Kikyo move in. He's just a little out of control sometimes. And it's only when he sees blood anyways…"

"Nice shock to leave for your friend." Kouga didn't understand Kagura sometimes. He just didn't.

"It's not a shock, I'm sure Suikotsu will tell her. He's obviously got a thing for her." Kagura waved a dismissive hand. "Besides, I've never seen him do anything really bad other than break some stuff. And sure, he screws some chick when he acts up but he's fine besides that."

"Whatever." Kouga took a step towards the diner but noticed Kagura wasn't moving. "What?"

"Oh come on, we're going to my place." Kagura went and tugged on his hand. "The usual, fifteen minutes, in and out."

Kouga hated the way she made having sex with him sound like some regular thing in her day like putting on her make up or taking a shower. He was sick of being nothing but sex for Kagura but at the same time…he couldn't help but hope that one day things would change.

_You should give up on that, she's never going to change her mind._

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"Here's your ice tea." Ayame had brought back the drinks with relatively no incident. Just as she was about to put Suikotsu's down though, it slipped from her hand and the glass shattered on the ground. "Oh no! I'm so sorry!" She put Kikyo's down and went down on her knees to clean up the ice tea with her towel. "Oh, ow!"

Ayame burst into tears and rose up from her place on the floor. A piece of glass had cut her hand. Kikyo grabbed the towel from out of her own apron and was about to wrap Ayame's hand with it when she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Suikotsu was making a very strange face.

"Blood…" He was up against the window, trying to lean further away from it as though it was just going to jump and attack him. "There's blood…"

Kikyo quickly began to wrap Ayame's hand with the towel. Suikotsu was rubbing his hands together as if he were washing them.

_Out, damned spot!_

"I have to go…bathroom…" Suikotsu got out and quickly ran towards the bathrooms.

"Is the cut that bad?" Ayame asked in worry as Kikyo finished wrapping it.

"No, he has hemophobia." Kikyo explained quickly.

"Oh." Ayame nodded her head. "Wait, what is that?"

"A fear of blood." Kikyo answered as Koharu came with the broom.

"Never fear." Koharu began to sweep up the glass. "Ayame, why don't you have Sara look at that?"

"Okay." Ayame went off to find the dark-haired girl.

"Thanks Koharu." Kikyo stood up. "I've got to check on someone." Kikyo went over to the restroom doors and paused for a second before ducking her head into the bathroom.

"Suikotsu?" She said softly. No answer. Kikyo looked up to see that no one was in there. Maybe he was in one of the stalls. She went inside. "Suikotsu?"

One of the stall doors opened and Kikyo was about to say something when she found herself pinned against a wall and looking at a pair of fierce dark eyes.

"I kept telling him to just go on and take you but he's such a weakling." The voice was like Suikotsu's but darker. Kikyo realized that she looking at _Suikotsu._ But it was different. Something was different. "Like a little kid with a crush." Then he kissed Kikyo with enough force that she hit her head on the wall behind her.

_What…what's going on?_

She turned her head, breaking the kiss.

"Suikotsu! What's going on?" Kikyo struggled against the far stronger grip of Suikotsu. Suddenly the hands loosened and Suikotsu fell to the floor, breathing hard.

"Kikyo…Kikyo…" Suikotsu's voice was back to normal. "I'm sorry…sorry…there was blood…"

"Suikotsu, what's wrong?" Kikyo knelt down next to him, grabbing his shoulders.

"It's…" Suikotsu took a deep breath. His face suggested he was struggling with something. "I'm sorry, I…" He looked up at her. "Did I hurt you?"

"No…" Kikyo looked at him strangely.

"Sometimes…I can't…" Suikotsu looked away, his face showing he was ashamed. "I'm sorry Kikyo!" And he got up and ran out of the bathroom. Kikyo got up and went after them but he had already left the diner.

"Hey, you aren't allowed in there." Koharu teased as she walked by.

"Yeah…" Kikyo stared after the fleeing young man.

_What the hell just happened?_

-----------------------

When she got off work, Kikyo went up to the apartment to see two people waiting outside of it. One was wearing tight leather pants and a mesh shirt, without which, Kikyo would have sworn he was a girl. He was wearing lipstick and had his hair up. The other person with him looked a little more male but had long hair that was worn in a long braid and blue eyes.

"Oh, it's a woman." The feminine looking one's lip curled up in disgust.

"Suikotsu told us he had two female roommates you idiot." The one with the braid gave the other one an affectionate little push with one of his hands. "Hi, we're cousins of Suikotsu. I'm Bankotsu. And this is Jakotsu. Yes he's male." Kikyo didn't laugh, mostly because her mind was on Suikotsu and the episode earlier.

"I'm Kikyo." Kikyo told them. "What are you doing?"

"No one was home." Bankotsu gestured towards the door. "Can we come in?"

"Sure." Kikyo half considered the fact that they could be axe-murderers for all she knew. She saw those fierce, almost blood thirsty looking dark eyes in her mind and shivered. She unlocked the door and let them in.

"He _really _needs to get an interior decorator." Jakotsu commented immediately as they came in.

"Oh give it a rest." Bankotsu rolled his eyes. "You say that every time we come here." He turned towards Kikyo. "When is Suikotsu going to be here? Do you know?"

"No…I don't." Kikyo frowned.

"I hope he isn't having one of his episodes." Bankotsu seemed concerned.

"Suikotsu's gotten loads better. He barely has episodes except when he sees blood." Jakotsu was looking around in the fridge before he pulled out a can of coke. "He doesn't have diet again…"

"Worried you'll lose your girlish figure?" Bankotsu teased the feminine looking man.

"Episodes?" Kikyo spoke up, interrupting the banter. "What does that mean?"

"Don't you know?" Bankotsu looked at her as though he couldn't believe what she had just said.

"Know what?" Kikyo pressed the matter.

"I'm surprised he didn't tell you when you moved in." Jakotsu opened the can of coke. "Well, actually, he doesn't like talking about so maybe I'm not _that _surprised." He took a sip off his soda and put it down, draping himself around Bankotsu. "Suikotsu's schizophrenic."

----------------------

"Heeeeey!" Kagura came in the door. Bankotsu and Jakotsu had waited for two hours and then decided to come back another time. "How's my favorite girl?" She came over to the couch and kissed Kikyo's cheek.

Kikyo turned a page in the magazine she was reading. She wasn't really reading it. It was Kagura's usual fashion magazine and she thought her intelligence might drop from actually reading them. Kagura was humming and went over to the kitchen and opened up the fridge.

"Why didn't you tell me Suikotsu has schizophrenia?" Kikyo asked and Kagura dropped the coke she was pulling out of the fridge. Luckily the can wasn't damaged but Kagura put it back and got out a new one.

"Um…" Kagura hesitated. "Well...why? What happened?"

"Kagura, I just asked you why you didn't tell me this _slightly_ important fact." Kikyo looked up at the red-eyed girl.

"Okay, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. He's usually pretty normal." Kagura tried to defend herself. "Except…when he's not."

"Yeah, well because no one informed me, when he wasn't, he had me pinned to a wall." Kikyo glared at her.

"Holy shit." Kagura's mouth dropped open. "What the hell happened?"

"One of the waitresses cut herself right in front of him." Kikyo explained. "I wasn't hurt or anything, he ran away right after he seemed to come to."

"Shit, Kikyo…" Kagura trailed off, looking uncomfortable. The phone rang right then. Kikyo leaned over and picked it up, hitting the button.

"Hello?" Kikyo greeted the other person.

"Hey, it's me." It was Inuyasha. Great, just what she needed right then. Kagura was looking at curiously and Kikyo mouthed that it was Inuyasha. Kagura made a small whistling noise and pretended to not listen to the conversation. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, other than I moved into this new apartment and found out that Kagura neglected to tell me we were living with a schizophrenic." Kikyo saw Kagura send her a half pouting look. "And you?"

"Damn, that sucks." Inuyasha admonished. "Is he totally fucking crazy and shit? Like talks to his precious?"

"Okay, I said he's a schizo, not Gollum." Kikyo told him. "And I'm not really in the mood to talk about it right now."

"Oh yeah, well, Miroku wanted us all to go to this fucking bar and shit tonight so we were just wondering if you and Kagura wanted to come." Inuyasha explained his reason for calling.

_We were just wondering…_

_ We…_

Kikyo closed her eyes for a moment, wondering if she up for it today. Maybe getting out of the house would do her good. Another night of pretending not to notice how close Kagome and Inuyasha were.

"Sure." Kikyo agreed finally. "Kagura, do you want to go out tonight?"

"Alright!" Kagura seemed to think she was off the hook.

"Okay, well we'll pick you up at nine." Inuyasha informed her. "And Kagome says hi."

"Yeah, hi." Kikyo returned the message. "See you then." And they both hung up.

"I'm going to go take a shower." Kagura went towards the bathroom but stopped before going in. "Hey, Kikyo…"

"I know you didn't mean anything bad…" Kikyo decided she didn't want an apology at the moment. "Just…go take a shower, alright?"

"Okay." Kagura looked uneasy but went into the bathroom anyways. Kikyo turned on the TV, to wait.

_"Schizophrenia literally translates to 'split mind'."_

_ Thanks psychology professor._

Kikyo didn't understand why someone who seemed so nice could turn into…someone completely different. It was probably triggered by a traumatic event of some kind…

_If you hadn't given up psychiatry…_

_ "Kikyo?" Kagura's voice sounded so far away as the blood spread across the white floor. White floors and blood and the contrast was holding her interest. Not Kagura who was too far away…_

_ "Kikyo! Oh my god!" Kagura was panicking. Why was she panicking? Everything felt so…right at that moment. The blood pooling on the white floor and her head next to it, watching it come out and feeling like she might just float away…_

She shook herself. Kikyo scowled at the way she was remembering it. It was stupid now. It seemed so stupid now. What was the point of dying?

_But you have to ask…_

_ Why do we live?_

-----------------------

Miroku had rented a limo. How ridiculously expensive. Kikyo rolled her eyes as it pulled up while Kagura made a small squeal in excitement. Miroku had inherited a fortune and was the owner of a huge corporation and believed in spending money on his friends.

"How lovely of you to join us." Miroku smiled at them as they came in. His arm was wrapped around Sango's waist. Sango was a working class girl who had never really gotten used to be surrounded with luxury and still worked even though she didn't have to.

"Fucking Naraku's in a taxi behind us." Inuyasha looked rather grumpy but Kagome patted his hand.

"Who invited him?" Kagura looked at the others.

"Word just got out." Miroku sighed heavily. "As long as we don't leave him alone with a drunken Inuyasha and matches…"

"Fuck you." Inuyasha glared at the purple-eyed man. "I was fucking sloshed."

"Miroku, please." Kagome closed her eyes, looking a little tired.

The conversation went on all the way to the bar. They went inside and sat down at a large table while Miroku started a tab and they began to order drinks. Kagura with her daiquiris and cosmos, Inuyasha with his straight shots of liquor, and Miroku drank champagne. Sango had a club soda, she had never been big on drinking and a month ago she had found out she was pregnant which as Kagura pointed out wasn't surprising.

Naraku came in and sat in the seat next to Kikyo that no one was occupying.

"I haven't seen you around Kikyo." Naraku began in and Kikyo rolled her eyes while Kagura put a possessive arm around her.

"She's been busy." Kagura took a sip of her cosmo. "So what's new?"

"Actually…" Kagome hesitated a little but Kikyo noticed a pleased, flushed tint to her face. "Inuyasha and I have something to announce."

"You're pregnant." Kagura guessed right away.

"No, that would be this cow." Sango slumped unhappily in her seat.

"Sango, dearest, I really wish you wouldn't demean yourself like that. You're not showing at all…" Miroku tried to cheer up his girlfriend.

"So when I am you'll think I'm ugly?" Sango looked rather distressed.

"That's not what I meant…" Miroku sighed a little. Kikyo could only imagine what Sango with her hormones out of control would be like. "Kagome, what were you saying?"

"Well…" Kagome glanced at Inuyasha who was sitting next to her and looking at his hands. "Inuyasha asked me to marry him."

Kikyo's drink slipped from her hand and hit the ground, shattering upon impact. Inuyasha looked up at her and she saw in his eyes what could only be translated as…apologetic…

_Sorry I'm marrying your sister and not you. _

"Kikyo…are you okay?" Kagome's bright eyes were filled with concern.

"Yes, I'm fine." Kikyo tried to collect herself. "Congratulations." Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at these words.

"Hey, guys, am I late?" Kouga had turned up. Kouga had been dating Kagome before Inuyasha came along. And now he followed Kagura around. "Did I miss anything?"

"Yeah, the announcement that Kagome and Inuyasha are getting hitched." Kagura told him, her look rather indulgent. "Yee-haw." Everyone knew that Kagura was already picturing the end of the marriage in her head. She wouldn't say anything out loud but the idea that Kagome and Inuyasha were getting married probably made her rather uncomfortable.

A waiter came by with a broom to help sweep up the glass. Naraku used this excuse to scoot his chair closer to Kikyo.

"I'll go order you another one. You were drinking gin and tonic, right?" Naraku offered. Kikyo ignored him and he left to go get the drink. She knew what he was up to. It was obvious that Kikyo was just trying to put a good face on things. Kagome was showing Sango the engagement ring and Kikyo felt like she might be sick.

Inuyasha got up and sat next to her for a few moments.

"Hey…you're okay with this, right?" Inuyasha questioned.

"Yes, I'm fine." Kikyo was irritated with this. It was an act. Let's all be careful around Kikyo or she might try to commit suicide again. The taboo subject in the group. She was sick of being treated this way, like she would break at any second. Inuyasha went to return to his chair when Naraku came back with her drink. Kikyo found herself drinking it down steadily.

_This is terrific logic Kikyo, using a depressant when you're upset. _

_ I don't care._

Kikyo found that everyone was involved in a conversation. Kagura and Kouga had disappeared and Kikyo was sure they had slipped off to the bathrooms for a little while. She was left there with Naraku who was sitting there talking to her.

_This is stupid. Why am I even here?_

"I think I'm gonna go." Kikyo stood up. Naraku stood up as well.

"I'll make sure you get home alright." Naraku put a hand on her arm. Kikyo brushed it away.

"No thanks." Kikyo told him.

"Oh well…" Kagome knew why Kikyo was upset. She wasn't that stupid. "Do you want me to try and find Kagura?"

"I'm just going to go. I have to get up early tomorrow." Kikyo lied and after they said their good-byes, Kikyo left the bar. Unfortunately Naraku was right behind her.

Kikyo ignored him as she waved down a taxi. Naraku opened the door for her.

"Go away Naraku." Kikyo growled.

"I'm only trying to make sure you get home." Naraku's voice was so slippery sounding.

"I told you no thanks, now leave me alone." Kikyo got into the taxi and shut the door. Before she could tell the driver to go, Naraku got into the front seat of the taxi. "Goddammit Naraku…"

"The poor girl had a little bit too much to drink." Naraku told the confused cabby. And then he gave him Kikyo's address. She didn't even bother to ask how he knew it. Kikyo had her hand on the door handle. As soon as the car stopped she would get out as quickly as possible.

She was not fast enough and Naraku got out of the cab, paying the cab driver quickly before coming in right behind Kikyo.

"I'm home okay?" Kikyo rounded on him. "Now you can leave."

"You're obviously upset." Naraku took a step towards her. "I'd be happy to make you feel better."

"Does the word 'no' mean anything to you?" Kikyo was so ready to kick Naraku's ass it wasn't even funny. He picked the wrong night to try and go after her. "I'm calling the police if you don't leave."

"Now, no need to do that. I was just trying to be a good friend." Naraku's smile suggested the exact opposite. "Have I ever done anything to upset you?"

"You almost got Inuyasha to burn a building down, which, when Kagome panicked and called the police got me kicked out of my apartment." Kikyo told him. "I mean it, get the hell out of here." And with that she turned and went up the stairs. If Naraku tried to follow her, she'd push him down the stairs and maybe he'd break his neck or something.

Naraku wasn't following her and so when she opened the door to her apartment, she closed it, leaning against it, feeling like her life was at a definite low point.

"Kikyo?" Suikotsu's calm voice asked tentatively. She opened her eyes to see him sitting on the couch. The TV wasn't on. He stood up and started to walk towards her. "Kikyo…I…I have something to tell you."

"I already know." Kikyo took off her coat and draped it over one of the chairs in the kitchen area.

"You…do?" Suikotsu looked a little horrified.

"Your cousins told me." Kikyo looked down.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but…I was going to but you seemed so…" Suikotsu looked pained. "You were so…beautiful the first time I saw you. I guess it was…selfish to not say anything. I thought that if you knew you'd leave."

"Heh, men are always like this." Kikyo couldn't help the bitter tears welling up in her eyes. "They always lie to you. I'm not surprised."

"…You hate me now, right?" Suikotsu's voice was so sad that it almost broke Kikyo's heart. "I can understand that. If you want to move…I understand that too. You were a good friend Kikyo and I will always remember you that way."

"Why do you have to do that?" Kikyo took a few step towards him, she still hadn't looked up at him. "Why do you always sound like you put everyone before yourself?" Kikyo looked up and Suikotsu's eyes widened when he saw a tear roll down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly.

"Kikyo…I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry I didn't tell you." Suikotsu apologized again.

"Stop apologizing." Kikyo looked away. "It's not right for someone like you to apologize to me."

"Kikyo, you shouldn't say that like you aren't worth anything." Suikotsu took a step forward, putting a hand on her shoulder.

_I'm not worth anything. _

_ That's why people forget about me so quickly. _

_ Why does he have to talk to me like he cares about me?_

She _was_ upset. Not just because Inuyasha and Kagome were getting married. Not just because no one had told her Suikotsu was a schizophrenic. It was all of those things and more. It was as though the depression she had tried to outrun was catching up with her all over again.

Kikyo didn't know what she was doing as she suddenly moved forward, putting her arms around Suikotsu.

"Kikyo…" Suikotsu didn't seem to understand her actions but he put his arms around her as well as she rested her head against his chest. It had been a long time since anyone had held her. Kagura had held her after she had recovered from her suicide attempt in the hospital but Kagura wasn't one for holding people.

It was this closeness she craved. Sex with Kagura somehow didn't count as it was something that Kagura shared with lots of people. But this was different. This was so…pure.

She moved a few inches away from him and, putting her hands on his shoulders, tilted her head up towards him. She kissed him, he was obviously surprised by the way he tensed up immediately but then he seemed to relax.

When the kiss was broken, Suikotsu was staring at her in a completely different way. Like he had never seen her before. "Kikyo—" She put her fingers to his lips.

Kikyo kissed him again, the delicateness of the kiss contrasting so much with the kiss that the other Suikotsu have given her. The kiss deepened and the tip of her tongue pressed against the tip of Suikotsu's.

She began leading him towards his bedroom; they almost tripped over a few things as they made their way. Kikyo got the door opened and closed it behind them. Suikotsu was so gentle, like he thought he might break her if he kissed her too hard.

They fell over onto the bed together and he kissed her neck, her fingers moving through his soft brown hair.

And then he suddenly pulled away and sat up. Kikyo sat up quickly.

"What is it?" Kikyo asked him in concern.

"I…I can't." Suikotsu looked up at her. "It's not you or anything, I mean…I want to but I really respect you Kikyo. You were obviously upset when you came in and I just don't think it's a good idea to do it tonight." Kikyo wasn't sure she was hearing him right. "Is that…I mean, is it okay?"

"It's okay." Kikyo put a hand on his shoulder. It was like he wasn't even real. He was so sensitive in a way she never thought a male was capable of.

"Do you mind if we just sleep?" Suikotsu asked. "I think I'd like to hold you." Kikyo agreed to this and after going to her room to change into pajamas and then got under the covers with Suikotsu who wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him.

_This is what I really wanted…just to be held…_

_ But I thought he would ask more of me…_

"Why were you upset?" Suikotsu ventured after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "Was it because of me?"

"Yes and no." Kikyo wasn't sure she was up to talking but somehow telling Suikotsu made her think it would be easier to deal with. She had to tell someone and Kagura was no doubt off somewhere with Kouga. "It was partly that, I was mad at Kagura for not telling me and it felt like…no one trusted me or something. Then Inuyasha called and wanted to go out. When we went out we found out him and Kagome decided to get married."

"Who's Inuyasha?" Suikotsu inquired.

"He's…an old friend. No, he was more than that. He and I were together for awhile. I thought he was in love with me and I knew I loved him…he was the first guy who ever seemed to give a damn about me." Kikyo felt Suikotsu's hand move to cover one of her own, his fingers curling around it. "And then…my sister, my _twin _sister and him fell in love."

_"Look Kikyo…I'm…I'm in love with Kagome."_

_ "Kikyo! I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to hurt you…it's just…Inuyasha…I love him." _

"I thought I could handle it. I thought I could be mature. But suddenly the world didn't make any sense at all. I was a psychiatrist…I was the one trying to get other people to see the sense in the world…but that was stupid. It was like reality was slipping away from me. And then I thought, if it didn't make sense at all, if the world wouldn't change and it would never have to make sense, what the hell was the point?" Kagura's eyes looked at Suikotsu's who was looking at her with a somber expression. "I tried to kill myself…I slit my wrists. Kagura found me though and had me rushed to the hospital. I remember when I finally woke up, Kagura was so upset. According to Kagome who showed up right away, Kagura was in pure hysterics and so was Kagome. She didn't want to get together with Inuyasha until I had said it was okay. I told them it was fine right there at the hospital.

"But it's not fine." Kikyo squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. "It hurt so badly to see them together. Kagura was always there, like she was waiting for me to try to commit suicide again so she could save me. Inuyasha and Kagome were always so careful at first. They wouldn't be affectionate in front of me or even touch it each other. And I was so sick of being treated like the outsider. Tonight, I guess I had it and went home."

"That must have been really hard." Suikotsu's eyes were full of sadness. "To have to witness them being happy when you're not."

"Now it's your turn." Kikyo told him. His eyes widened a little. "Tell me about…what happened to you…what made you…"

"That's a story that I haven't told many people." Suikotsu admitted. "The cousins know but they wouldn't tell it to just anyone. When I was growing up, I was an only child. My dad died when I was really little and I can barely remember him at all. Then…when I was twelve, my mom remarried. At first he was really nice, my stepdad. He really seemed to want me to like him. He took me fishing and bought me a brand new bicycle for my birthday. But then things changed…

"My stepdad started drinking. Pretty soon that's all he seemed to do. He was always drunk and he made my mom pay for the alcohol. If she tried to argue with him…he'd hit her." Suikotsu's grip tightened on Kikyo's hand. "If I tried to stop him, he'd hit me. Then one night…I was fifteen. My mother finally decided she had had enough. She was taking me and leaving. That's what she told my stepdad. He got angry. Really angry. He grabbed her and threw her against the fireplace." Suikotsu took a deep breath and Kikyo knew he was trying his hardest to tell her this story without crying. "I don't know if he meant to kill her. All I remember is her lying against the fireplace, her head cracked open and blood pooling out.

"I blacked out. When I came to again, I was at a hospital. They told me that I had killed my stepdad. With my bare hands, just beat him until there was nothing left but a bloody pulp…I couldn't forgive myself. I could never forgive myself for it." Suikotsu eyes dropped from Kikyo's face. "I was acquitted afterwards for the murder. I started seeing a psychiatrist but they couldn't tell anything was wrong. No one could."

"And then I'd see blood on TV or anywhere else and suddenly I'd wake up and not know where I was or what was going on." Suikotsu had tears in his eyes and Kikyo reached up her free hand, tilting his head so he was looking at her and wiped his tears away slowly. "I've woken up…in all sorts of places…but eventually, I learned to avoid blood. I had to quit being a doctor but in the end…I thought it would help. The episodes don't happen as often anymore. I know that others have been hurt by the other me. Jakotsu told me once that it was like looking at a completely different person…" Kikyo remembered the cold fierce eyes of the other Suikotsu. "Because of it I've never tried to get close to anybody before. I know what the other one does but I've never…I've never even been with a woman…"

Kikyo's hand rested on his cheek for a few moments and she leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead.

"I'm glad you decided to get close to me." Kikyo smiled a little.

"I don't really deserve—" Suikotsu was cut off by Kikyo.

"Don't talk like that. What you deserve you have not received." Kikyo told him. "You deserve a lot better than this."

"This is as good as I can imagine it." Suikotsu pulled her closer to him and after a few minutes, Kikyo started to drift off to sleep.

_I don't understand…you deserve someone better than me…_

-----------------------

"Kikyo?" Kagura came tumbling through the front door at about one o'clock and saw the living room was empty. Maybe Kikyo had already gone to sleep in her bed. "We might have to have sex on the couch."

"Or the shower." Kouga shrugged, a little bleary-eyed. Kagura tugged him forward by his arm and went to her room, opening the door. Kikyo wasn't in there either. She could see no one was in the bathroom. Where was Kikyo?

"Shit." Kagura swore. "Inuyasha said Naraku left right after Kikyo, you don't think he took advantage of the fact that Kagome and Inuyasha decided to announce their engagement right in front of her like that, do you?"

"I don't Kikyo would go for it no matter how upset she is." Kouga was tired and he wanted to have sex with Kagura and than fall asleep in her bed with her. Kagura wasn't satisfied and opened Suikotsu's door just a little and then closed it quickly and tip-toed back across the room to Kouga.

"Mystery solved." Kagura nodded her head. "Kikyo's all snuggled up with Suikotsu for the night."

"Kickass, so we can have sex in your room?" Kouga was all for this.

"Yeah, yeah." Kagura closed the door behind the two and then began taking off her shoes. "Suikotsu…poor guy, I think only one of his personalities gets sex at all."

"I'm surprised you didn't screw him." Kouga commented somewhat bitterly.

"I don't like 'em naïve like that." Kagura flopped over onto her bed. "You coming or what?" She winked at him.

"Kagura." Kouga don't know why this sudden idea had struck him but it had. Maybe it was the alcohol, he didn't know. "We do this pretty often, don't we?"

"Have sex?" Kagura cocked her head to one side.

"Yeah and then spend the night at whosever house we end up, right?" Kouga thought maybe he could get this in logically.

"Yeah." Kagura didn't seem to understand where this was going.

"Why don't you just move in with me and then—" Kouga started.

"I don't think so." Kagura cut in immediately. "_You'd_ be okay with me bringing other people home? No offense Kouga but you've always struck me as the jealous type."

"Well, don't bring anyone home." Kouga muttered.

"That sounds like a relationship." Kagura commented somewhat suspiciously. "I like it here. I get to stay with Kikyo and Suikotsu's cool. Let's just do things the way we've always done them."

"Maybe I'm sick of doing it the way we've always done." Kouga got up off the bed where he had been sitting.

"Oh great." Kagura moaned and moved so her head was resting in the pillows of her bed. "If you're going to bitch at me, I'm going to sleep."

"Fine, go to sleep, you don't give a damn about what I have to say anyways." Kouga spoke angrily.

"What the hell is with you?" Kagura picked her head up. "I thought you wanted to have sex and go to bed."

"No, I'm fucking sick of this." Kouga stood up. "I'm sick you treating me like I'm nothing but sex to you Kagura. I'm fucking sick of all of it." And with that he left. Kagura stared after him.

"Why do you always have to make me feel guilty?" Kagura asked quietly as she heard the door to the apartment slam shut.

-------------------------

Kikyo's eyes opened slowly when she saw that sunlight was coming through the blinds. Suikotsu was sleeping peacefully next to her, one of his arms wrapped around her still. She closed them again, feeling like she could sleep for another couple of minutes and turned so she was facing Suikotsu.

A minute later Suikotsu was shaking her.

"Kikyo." Suikotsu's voice sounded alarmed and Kikyo felt something wet sliding down from her nose.

_A nosebleed…_

_ Oh shit!  
  
_

She sat up and covered her face with one hand but Suikotsu was staring and rubbing his hands together the way he had before. This wasn't good. She had to get the blood away from him before…before…

Suikotsu practically pounced on her, his tongue lapping up the blood coming down her nose. She moved her head from side to side very quickly but Suikotsu's hands grabbed a hold of her head and kept it still while he licked the blood up.

Then his tongue slid into her mouth and she could taste the metallic tinge that was her own blood as he kissed her roughly. Kikyo pushed him away but he grabbed her hands and had her pinned down to the bed.

"I'm so sick of that fucking weakling…" Suikotsu growled into her ear. "I'm sure you're just as sick of him. He can't do anything. He's like a baby."

"Get off me!" Kikyo struggled fruitlessly. "Suikotsu! Suikotsu, stop it!"

"He's not going to help you this time." Suikotsu told her. "You wanted him and he didn't take you because he's so weak."

"KAGURA!" Kikyo yelled as loud as she could but Suikotsu kept his hold on her.

"She's not going to hear you, if she's even here." Suikotsu grabbed her shirt with both his hands and tore it open before lowering his head and putting his mouth on her body.

_No one's coming…_

_ No one's going to help me…_

_ Not even Suikotsu…_

And no one did. Kikyo was strong enough to overpower him and could do nothing but struggle weakly as Suikotsu, the _other _Suikotsu had sex with her.

-----------------

Kagura didn't know what the hell was going on when Kikyo came into her room, closing the door so hard that Kagura awoke very abruptly. She saw Kikyo wearing the remnants of clothing and the way Kikyo looked so pale and shaken and it slowly dawned on her what had happened.

"Kikyo…" Kagura felt horror rise up in her. "Did Suikotsu…?"

"I don't want to talk." Kikyo barely got up before scrambling under the covers and huddling up beneath them.

"Kikyo!" Kagura tried to lift the covers but Kikyo had a tight hold on them.

"Go away Kagura." Kikyo ordered. "Just go away."

"I'm not leaving you here like this." Kagura hit her pillow with a fist. "Now tell me what happened."

"GET OUT KAGURA!" Kikyo yelled and Kagura jumped a little before quickly getting out of bed and putting on her clothes. She wasn't sure she should just leave Kikyo like this but she didn't want to get yelled at again and so she left.

Kagura felt shaken up. Obviously something bad had happened. Kikyo had looked so comfortable with Suikotsu last night…

_Something must have happened and he saw blood…_

_ And then he probably just…gods, Kikyo…_

She had to wait for awhile to find out for sure. A couple of hours passed and Kagura made coffee and began drinking with her French vanilla creamer, wondering if Kikyo wanted some coffee or not.

_I have to do something…I can't just leave her like that._

Suikotsu's door opened and Kagura braced herself. Before Kikyo came to the apartment, Kagura had only one encounter with the other Suikotsu. But no, he was normal. He had clothes on that he looked like he had just thrown on and came out of his room.

"Do you—?" He began.

"What happened—?" Kagura began at the same time. The both stopped. "What happened? Kikyo's hiding under my covers and it doesn't look like she's about to come out anytime soon."

"I don't know." Suikotsu looked miserable. "I remember waking up and Kikyo had a nosebleed and then…I don't know what happened."

"I'm going to go talk to her." Kagura amended. "Maybe she'll come out if I tell her Mr. Hyde is out of commission for now."

"Please…please try Kagura." Suikotsu sat in a chair, slumping his head into his hands.

---------------------

Kikyo did tell her what happened. Kikyo relayed the story to Suikotsu who never felt worse in his life and barely came out of his room unless he was going to the orphanage. Kikyo stayed in bed.

She stayed in bed for a week. Staring at the ceiling the first day but on the second day, Kagura brought in a stack of books. Kikyo couldn't concentrate on the words though. Kagura asked if she would talk to Suikotsu but Kikyo just shook her head.

_I just can't…_

On the seventh day, Kagura was wondering what she should do for her friend. She sat next to Kikyo and tried to think about it.

"How about I read to you?" Kagura suggested.

"Alright." Kikyo spoke in a hollow voice that made Kagura wince when she heard it. If only she hadn't invited Kikyo to stay in this apartment with her. If only she hadn't been stupid enough to leave Kikyo alone with him. If only…

"What do you want to hear?" Kagura looked at the stack of books. "How about Wilde?"

"The Battle of Reading Gaol." Kikyo requested. Kagura opened the book and began to read.

"He did not wear his scarlet coat,

For blood and wine are red,

And blood and wine were on his hands

When they found him with the dead,

The poor dead woman whom he loved,

And murdered in her bed."

Kikyo listened to the familiar words wash over her. It was a tragic poem…one of her favorites. And she couldn't help but wondering what Suikotsu was doing right then. Was he by himself, telling himself how horrible he was? Kikyo didn't like that thought.

"He walked amongst the Trial Men,

In a suit of shabby gray;

A cricket cap was on his head,

And his step seemed light and gay;

But I never saw a man who looked,

So wistfully at the day."

Wistful was the way she felt right then. Suikotsu felt awful, she knew it. She knew he was probably going over it over and over again in his head, feeling like he himself had attacked Kikyo instead of the other side of him.

"I never saw a man who looked,

With such a wistful eye,

Upon that little tent of blue,

Which prisoners call the sky,

And at every drifting cloud that went,

With sails of silver by."

Kikyo _wanted_ to see him again. She wanted to tell him it was okay. That she had forgiven him. But was it really that easy to forgive? Kagura continued to read the poem and Kikyo continued to let the words flow over her as she tried to decide what it was that she should do.

Should she just go to him? Should she tell him everything was okay and forgive him? What if it happened again? What could she do?

"You know Kikyo…" Kagura began, she had stopped reading and Kikyo had barely noticed. "I've been thinking a lot about this whole thing and well…I think you should go talk to him. You should see him, he looks like hell. He just wants to talk to you again. It's really sad. I know that it's not easy. I know that this situation is…well, fucked up to say the least but Suikotsu…he needs you. No one else is going to be able to comfort him right now. You look like hell too, you need to get out of bed and take a shower. I've had to call in sick for you every day. This isn't like you to just sit here like this."

"I don't know." Kikyo said helplessly. "What do I do?"

"Like I said, talk to him. The way I figure it is that yeah, Suikotsu has two sides to him. He can turn into the other side of him which is not nice and sensitive and all the things that make Suikotsu what he is. Is it really that different from anyone else? I think if someone loves someone, they love all of them. Everyone's got a bad side and a good side. Look at me for instance; I'm practically all a bad side." Kagura put a hand on Kikyo's shoulder.

"You aren't that bad." Kikyo turned towards her.

"Yes I am. I don't want anyone to get too close and I know that everyone thinks I'm a whore." Kagura seemed almost sad at this. "But I pretend not to care about anything or anyone. And it's wrong to just use people like that. The only one that ever gets angry with me and yells at me about it is Kouga. The truth is I like Kouga, I really do. He's the person I have the most fun with, well, aside from you. But I'm scared of what it could mean if we got involved at all."

"You're telling me you're scared of saying getting involved and yet you expect me to get up and go talk to Suikotsu?" Kikyo asked her.

"Yeah. Do you wanna end up like me or something? I'll end up all alone and no one's going to give a damn about it. That's my own fault really." Kagura shrugged and then gave Kikyo a small shove. "Get out of bed. I mean it. At least go take a shower."

"I guess I could take a shower." Kikyo started to get up.

"I think you could too, you smell." Kagura teased her. Kikyo got on her bathrobe and grabbed her towels, heading for the bathroom.

Of course when she got out of the bedroom, Suikotsu was in the kitchen, waiting for water to boil. They both looked up at each other and Kikyo instantly felt like all her courage had left her.

"_I think if someone loves someone, they love all of them."_

"I…was just going to take a shower." Kikyo forced out. Suikotsu looked like he was going to say something but he dropped his head. Just as she was reaching the bathroom, he spoke.

"Wait, Kikyo." Suikotsu came around the kitchen counter. "I…wanted to talk to you."

"Suikotsu…" Kikyo didn't know what she was trying to say.

"No, just…listen, alright? I know that apologizing for what happened isn't going to change anything. You have every right to hate me and I understand that. I know you never want to talk to me again. But I just wanted to tell you that I really am sorry for what happened." Suikotsu finished and took a deep breath. "So that's why I'm going to move out."

"What?" Kikyo hadn't been expecting this at all.

"You won't have to see me at all. It was irresponsible to let roommates to move in when I am the way I am." Suikotsu dropped his head. "I'll move across town, you'll never see me again."

"That's…" Kikyo shook her head. Suikotsu was going to leave. He was just going to leave. "That's not what I want." She didn't understand where that had come from. What was she doing? It was like the words had just come out of her mouth without any permission at all. But they were true. "I don't want you to move out."

"You…don't?" Suikotsu sounded as though he couldn't believe what she was saying.

"No." Kikyo wondered why it seemed like people ran from her as soon as they upset her. "I want you to stay here. With me and Kagura."

"I couldn't ask you to do that after what happened, what if it happens again?" Suikotsu asked, obviously worried about her.

"Then we'll learn to deal with it." Kikyo felt a small bit of happiness in her. "If you won't give up on me…I won't give up on you." Suikotsu looked at her, his eyes sparkling with happiness. "Is it a deal?" She stuck out her hand towards him.

"Deal." Suikotsu put his hand in hers and he shook it gently.

"Good, and now I'm going to take my shower." Kikyo smiled at him. "Why don't we order in tonight?" Suikotsu nodded and Kagura, who had been listening at her doorframe put up to say that ordering sounded like an excellent idea.

_I guess none of this makes sense…_

_ But then does it really have to?_

---------------------

Kouga was sprawled out on his couch, watching TV and feeling miserable. Kagura and him had spoken in a week. Not since he had gotten mad at her that night after the bar.

_It's so stupid…_

_ Just give it up already man…_

Someone knocked on his door. He didn't want to have to get up. But he didn't really have a choice so after the second knocking, which was much more impatient, he hefted himself off the couch and went to his door, opening it up.

Kagura was standing there, looking a little grumpy at the fact that she had to wait for him to answer the door.

"Hey." Kagura walked past him into his apartment.

"What are you doing?" Kouga asked as she was walking into the apartment, seeming to be inspecting it.

"I was thinking…" Kagura turned to look at him. "I think…I wanna try living together."

"Are you serious?" Kouga's eyes widened in shock. There was just no way. Kagura would never, not in a million years…

"Yeah." Kagura nodded. "Is it okay with you still?"

"Sure." Kouga smiled but then he had a thought that made him not so happy. "You aren't going to—"

"Bring anyone home, no I'm not." Kagura finished for him, holding up a hand. "I think…I just want to try this. Take it one day at a time."

"One day at a time." Kouga repeated.

Maybe things would work out alright in the end and maybe they wouldn't. But worrying about the future, when anything might become possible and happen was a waste of time.

Maybe everything just worked itself out.

---------------------

DONE! Thirty-five pages…well, when I started, that wasn't intended but it just kept getting longer and longer. Yeah, just a one-shot sort of story. Thanks for reading and please leave a review. It shall be appreciated.


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